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Dear Mr. Tailgater-With-A-Horn,
Let me be the first to say thank you for tailgating me two full blocks while running errands today. Not only is that illegal but had I stalled or had to slam on my brakes for any reason, your bumper would have been through my child's body which would have been all over my windshield. Thank you for giving an already nervous mother, a nervous anxiety attack. Never mind the fact that you were towing a large trailer and your truck was exactly 800% bigger than my Honda Civic. Must be my stupidity for driving a gas saving, compact car.
Also, thank you for that obnoxious, very annoying blaring of the horn while I was waiting for traffic before turning left. I apologize for not veering into traffic and again, risking my child's life. Stupid me. I hope you can forgive me for being patient and waiting for clearance from two lanes of on-coming traffic. Excuse me for assuming you had an extra 13 seconds to sit and wait. I was wrong.
Thank you for making me realize that driving in the town of Libby, Montana has now been taken from level Dangerous, to level Suicidal. I will no continue to hermit in my home until I one day leave this town to a place where 3 cars a day on main street is considered rush hour. Thank you and hope your day went swell!
*Heart Attack Victim w/ Nightmares*
Dear Punk-In-A-Fast-Car,
Yes I know that my husband's car is very intimidating. Somewhat. But I alas am not my husband and it is only my right as his wife to be allowed to drive his car, the only running car in our family right now, around town to do my errands. Just because I am married to him and just because I happen to be in an import, doesn't mean I feel it necessary to race you. Because I deny you any racing, do not feel free to flip me the bird. My two old daughter in the backseat (did you NOT notice the car seat and the screaming toddler in the back, while my window was down??) is in that wonderful stage of mimicking everyone she sees so now that she is playing with her middle fingers, I will only continue thinking of you. Thank you for leaving your legacy and next time you want to race, wait for my husband to be driving and I promise you, you will get the beat down you desire. Thank you and have a wonderful day!
*Pissed Off Parent*
Dear Lady-On-The-Celly,
I appreciate you trying to communicate with your people. Communication is the key to every relationship and is a very healthy thing to do. However, I do not appreciate the fact that you choose to have a chat while driving through traffic. It wouldn't have been so bad but you obviously can not multitask and put many cars in a nervous scramble as they tried to get out your way. The turn signals on your vehicle, you know, the stick that makes the click-click-click-click sound when you pull it downward, it is there for a reason. Oh and slamming on your brakes every five seconds is great but I don't care to stall out and panic everytime you do this.
Next time it would be wonderful if you could pay attention and NOT be on your celly while driving. Try calling people while you are at home. I'm sure it can wait that long. Thank you and have a great day!
*Brake Checked Woman Behind You*
Dear Snobby-Teenagers,
When I was your age, I too stared at parents with screaming toddlers and giggled about it with my friends. But my mother also taught me not to stare more than 3 seconds and when I giggled, I did it quietly and far away from the parent. Yes my child screams and throws a fit. All children do and when you get knocked up (probably next year by the way the rate that girls your age are going) you too will enjoy the terrible twos.
Next time, I advise you to smile politely and walk away or turn your head so as to not offend the mother and make her day even worse then it already is. That mother probably won't pray that your children come in threes and are ten times worse than her daughter who mind you can be a handful most days. Karma does exist and I advise you to be careful of what you put out there....
Oh and maybe you will now understand why I didn't buy any of your precious cookies or whatever it was you were selling. Honey attracts flies better than vinegar
Hope your bake sale went well!
*Praying Mother*
4 comments:
Yep, yep, yep and yep!
Sorry to be the one to tell you but there aren't any towns left where 3 cars is considered rush hour.
It's crazy out there! You need a Hummer!!
Hugs!!
Too damn funny! Scary but funny! It's like that every day here on the roads of Deland. I hate other drivers as much as they must hate me!
I feel your frustration - I once had a woman in a mall parking lot call me a "NASTY HAG" for trying to teach my 2 year old that it was not nice to pull mommy's hair while I buckled him into his carseat. - Lets just say I was NOT speechless!
See? Doesn't it feel good to fire off bitingly sarcastic letters? I'm glad you enjoyed the experience; I certainly enjoyed reading them!
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