*sigh*

Ok so the happy, easy going, long lasting pregnancy I was praying for just isn't. I began having contractions this weekend and went in to see my doctor today and although I didn't get horrible news, it still is quite a blow to me. I'm having pre-term labor signs. At 18 weeks. That's not good and I don't need a PHD to know that. So we did some cultures and I got to see an ultrasound which showed an active hiccupy baby. So I thanked God for that. It's hard to imagine something bad happening this far in my pregnancy. I've been naive to rely on just because I am past my dreaded 11th week, everything would be great from now on.
I've been reading Karen Kingsbury books. A lady from my Bible Study told me about her works and I fell in love with the very first series, The Redemption series. She has 3 series that go along with this very special, very faithful Christian family. And it breaks my heart that I'm on the very last book. I've learned a lot from these books and the last book I read was about a woman finding out about her daughter in her belly having a rare disease. Let me try to get this right...anencephaly. A neural tube defect in which absence of major portions of the brain and malformation of the brainstem occur. The cranium does not close and the vertebral canal remains a groove. And it deals with her faith throughout her pregnancy and the fact that she knows that she will only have maybe a few hours with her daughter after the birth before her daughter passes. It's just such a sad part of the book but teaches that sometimes God's will isn't ours and that throughout anything, He is always God and there is always a purpose. I highly recommend these books just because it helps strengthen ones faith and helps reassure and calm.
I've been put on two medications which is a struggle for me. On one hand I want to do whatever possible to help this but on the other I am hyper sensitive to medications and the side effects alone of these medications scare me to pieces. The nausea isn't so bad but heart palpitations? I already have those. Dizziness? Uh no thanks. Seizures? Ok sure! Yeah...I'm a wuss full of anxiety as you can see. So I'm going to pray on it and then begin the meds tomorrow God willing. Sometimes God has more power than any medication...
Anyways, I'm off to bed rest (yay no dishes for me!!!) and to pray. I'm very mopey right now but I'll feel better tomorrow. I still feel baby kicking so I know things will be fine. I hope everyone else is doing good. I have a few friends on my prayer list and have been thinking of you all daily. Hoping all is fine. I send lots of love and will update another day!