Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Just A Bunch Of Morning Blatherings

It's 3:53 am right now and I should be sleeping. I'm a day or two shy of being 4 weeks pregnant and I feel every pregnancy symptom so far, even heartburn. But no sleepiness. Ha ha. That's my favorite symptom too! I have been going to sleep every night at about 9 or 10 and waking up around 5 or 6, ready for the day. Before kids, I never woke up before 11 am. So I'm a sleeper to say the least and yet here I am beating the sun. Ugh.
It's Christmas eve today! I'm super excited! Mind you, we have no Christmas decorations up anymore as they have been packed and Hannah's gifts are all on top of the deep freeze. But I still am excited. Hannah doesn't get Christmas yet just knows she can't open her gifts until "it" whatever "it" may be. But it still is fun because she is very much about opening presents. My mom bought a bunch of gifts from only a week ago and they are supposed to be here today. I checked both shipping sites and they are both in Billings and Butte so I know they will be here. I'm totally excited to get those and wrap 'em quickly and put them with the rest of the gifts. My dad had his gift for her shipped to his house so it will be there when we arrive and Abel's parents sent a check with which I visitied and took advantage of their cheapness and bought 3 new movies for her. Wall-E (which I won't lie, it's also for us, haha), Tinkerbell and Sleeping Beauty. But I had them shipped to my dad's house as well.
Did I mention we're moving in with my dad when we move to North Dakota? I'll be able to take care of him and it will cut all of our bills in half except for rent which we won't pay as dad owns the house. It's a great situation. It's a two story, 5 bedroom house so it isn't like there won't be enough room. But sometimes after being together for so long, dad tends to drive me insane for a few days so I don't look forward to that. But it'll work out. If Abel gets this jobs I'll only have him home about 4 days at a time which sucks but I figure military people have it worse and who am I to gripe when they wait 15-18 months to see their loved ones for only 2 months or something like that.
Miss Stephanie, a blogger friend of mine, has brought decorating to my attention. I'm not a decorator by any means. Fashion and taste are nots omething found anywhere near me. I buy ugly things because ugly things attract me (like my new shoes from Walmart, haha) But I have been thinking about decorating rooms when we move and get finished with this. I'd like to actually get Hannah matching furniture and do an actual theme for her. And of course the baby's room will come somewhere after I'm 20 weeks. To be safe I won't be doing anything until then. But that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about it. I'm excited though because it will give me something to do. What is so hard about painting and decorating? Pick a theme and do it, haha. And I did paint my kitchen which was my first time painting and it came out cute. So I'm not scared. Just excited.
*sigh* I'm bored. LoL. I'm almost finished playing my Lego Batman game on my PSP. That game has kept me busy for almost 2 weeks now. Sooo worth the money!! When this one is completely beaten Abel has promised to get me the rest of teh Lego game to keep me busy. Bedrest is not an easy thing, haha. But thanks to the internet ( and of course myspace/facebook and a few books here and there, I haven't gone insane quite yet. After this baby, I have informed Abel of the trips to California and misc. theme parks and family houses we will be visiting. I will not touch a couch or chair after this! Haha.
Anyways, I should quit blabbering. Married With Children is on and at 4 in the morning, anything is great, haha. So I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!! Be safe, happy, warm and blessed! And I shall blog another day! Love to all!!


Friday, December 19, 2008

A Mixture Of This & That

Ok so my daughter hit the submit button while I was on the phone and I didn't know it until now which is about an hour after I left the computer, ha ha. What a ham...
So, my doctor's appointment was yesterday. Big waste of time. Did nothing pre-natal wise because even though I have been getting a HCG test done twice a week and my hormone level is quadrupling every two days when it is in fact supposed to double, and even though I got a positive pregnancy test both at his office and at home, he STILL doesn't seem to think I'm pregnant. So in his mind my hormones are rising for a different reason and my boobs and back are killing me because I must have crappy posture or something. It really angers me that he's being this way. They did find that I have some weird gene mutation or whatever it is called that makes me really prone to blood clots. He just doesn't think it effects any of my pregnancies and they won't put me on blood thinners because it raises my chances for having a blood clot. I'm so getting a high risk OB-GYN when we move.....
We have decided to move a lot sooner than what we had originally planned for. Our pipes busted all throughout our trailer so we're cutting our loses and leaving. Abel's fixing it enough to get by and then we have decided to tithe our trailer to our Bible Study teacher who with the help of her hubby they will fix what needs fixing which is just to hang a few loose cupboards, do a massive fix on the pipes and a few small things and then give it to someone who needs a home. It seemed the best thing to do. We don't get a chance to tithe to our church often with cash and hope this works as the next best thing.
My mom and I got on last night and ordered Hannah her Christmas gifts from her. We did it via the phone and computer so it was fast and easy. Even better, the gifts will all be here the day before Christmas. I'm really excited. She doesn't completely get Christmas, she knows she can't open anything until Christmas Day but that's it. I'm just excited for her. Now my Christmases have more meaning. They never really mattered once I hit high school, until I had Hannah. I did the volunteering at the homeless shelters and gave gifts but that was it. Now it has the excitement like it used to when I was a kid! I love Christmas!! LoL.
Shopping for kids' toys is a whole new thing for me though. I'm terrified of screwing my daughter up some how so I'm trying to do what's best for her in my mind. I read the books and magazines. Subscribe to the mommy groups and websites and such. But it isn't until you begin thinking about our toy selection do you REALLY get to thinking. For that matter I decided long ago that we would not under any circumstance do Barbies. Not that it's n evil toy or anything like that and yes, I'm positive my ideas may sound kooky to most anyone because trust me, I hear about it ALL the time. But one of the books I began reading after I had Hannah was To Train Up A Child by Debi and Micheal Perl. Some of their ideas are different and not for me but a lot of what they write is great. I have more of their books and admire them. They are Christian and live amongst the Amish and get a lot of their ideas and practices from them. I recommend everyone to at least read the book. How To Be His Helpmeet is another fantastic book and saved my marriage truth be told. Anyways, so part of the book was going over toys and Barbies in particular. Comparing Barbies and baby dolls. Baby dolls create the caring, nurturing, and tenderness in a child whereas Barbies tend to make little girls focus on fashion, men, and themselves. So I have banned Barbies. Well from that and the fact that these dolls were originally created to be a man's sex toy back in the 20's or whenever. A little weird if you ask me....But even some of these baby dolls are odd, I must admit. I bought Hannah a Baby Alive doll from WalMart. I got it for $10 during Black Friday. Couldn't pass it up. So we get home and I see that this doll really pees and drinks. It comes with 3 diapers and 2 juice packets. To buy a 6-pack of baby doll diapers is $20. Sorry but that's what I pay for a case of diapers and even then I hate shelling out money for something I'm just going to throw away. It bugs me. So we took some unused quilt material I was saving and made home made cloth diapers. As for the juice packets? Baby can drink water. Sorry dolly but you are not drinking better and wearing better than what we do. No way. Now granted, I love the baby doll and love how technological these dolls are getting but why is it the corporations just keep getting greedy? All the prices are rising because of gas yet gas dropped $3 in the past 2 months and isn't stuff supposed to go down?? I thought the doll would help Hannah with understanding what it takes to help with a baby that way when this baby comes along, she'll want to help out and she'll understand somewhat of the time it takes to care for baby and not be jealous. I plan on including her in everything I do with baby so as to lessen the jealousy factor. I hope...I'm trying, that counts right?? That and I'm really excited that she adores baby dolls as much as she does. I plan on buying a kitchen set for her so she can have even more fun playing house.
I'm so giddy about Abel getting this new job. We won't be poor anymore! We aren't exactly classified as poor but after we get a paycheck and it's blown in one day due to bills and groceries, it gets sorta depressing. I'm not all about money or fashion or anything like that. I'm low key. But I tell you what. After a few paychecks, mommy is finally going to buy herself some new clothes. Something she hasn't had in over 4 years. Thrift stores don't count as new...Oh and new furniture is in store as well as a few other things. I'd like to spoil ourselves for once and then begin putting it all away and paying off our debt. Trying to be wise yet trying to for once, be generous to ourselves, you know? Some of my friends don't agree with us doing all of this but I would like to make our lives better as does my hubby and sometimes we must sacrifice to do better. That and God seems to be pushing us out of here, ha ha. Everything going wrong and the house falling apart and the only way to be ok is to move?
So I feel good so far. I had a massive episode of morning sickness last night. Nauseas as all get up. No oranges in the house. It was a fantastic long night. But the whole time I felt sick, I was smiling thinking yes! Hormones are working! Not one pregnancy of mine (total of 5 with this one) have ever had morning sickness. I felt ill a few times with Hannah and that was it. So early signs of strong symptoms with this one gives me a ton of hope and faith. So again, thank you all for your prayers. I don't feel stressed or worried and I have very little doubt in my mind right now and losing that all the time. Abel has a good feeling about this and we have such a powerful force of a prayer network that I feel like God can't ignore our please this time. I have faith this one will survive. And crazy as it sounds, I'm actually praying for twins, ha ha. I know, I'm nuts but hey, two babies all at once? I'd be done with having kids for good! And not have to go through this difficult pregnancy thing again.
Anyways, I'm going to go lay down and watch Narnia- Prince Caspian. Such an amazing movie. I dig those Narnia books and movies.
I hope everyone is doing fantastically! And I shall jabber at you later! Have a fantastic weekend and remember: 6 more days until Christmas!!!


Friday, December 12, 2008

Boredom Has Set In....

So today is officially the 5th day of bed rest and I am already bored out of my mind. I didn't expect it this soon. Aside from the daily house cleaning and the occasional time out for my daughter, my day hasn't really changed much. But I'm still going nuts! Ha ha.
My husband has stepped up to the plate mega load. He is one of those men who expects the house to be clean and dinner to be done when he gets off from work. And truthfully, it has never bothered me. I like running a nice clean and tight house. But the bed rest thing has me a little worried as his house isn't getting cleaned and dinner gets done as soon as he gets up to make it. Be he amazes me. He has done all of our laundry and dishes, he has been cooking this week with a smile on his face. And he takes care of Hannah while he is home. We have a routine and he has broken it. He really wants this baby :)
I went in for my second HCG testing yesterday and go in again Monday. My levels are jumping which is great. Although I am sorely disappointed. I'm barely, BARELY pregnant. Like 2 weeks pregnant, maybe, maybe 3. It makes me feel a little foolish. I go in to the actual doctor's appointment on Thursday. I'm doing so good it's unbelievable. I'm taking lots of advice, like Justine's for example. I am drinking no kool-aid, no coffee and no tea. I've cut out all my soda even the root beer and non caffeinated sodas. Cutting out all the bad stuff right away especially the sugar.
Abel put us on the prayer chain at church and we have a handful of our close friends (those who know I'm pregnant) praying for us too. And I know some of you out there are praying for us as well. The notes and messages I have gotten from you have all touched my heart so much. I want to thank everyone for the awesome words of encouragement and for the prayers. It means so much to me that special people out there who barely know me would go so far in helping me out. I want you to know how I treasure you all! And you know who you are! I found an awesome verse in Jeremiah last night while reading my Bible and it gives me hope and faith so I know I'll come to it often in prayer: "Blessed is the man who trust in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out it's roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; it's leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought, and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NIV) Gives me faith and I know I have to trust in God. The doctor's can do all that they can but it all lays in God's hands.
We also got some news that is a semi good, semi bad thing. Abel may be getting a new and better job! He applied for a job on the railroad and my dad is pulling some strings to help get him on. Right now Abel builds log homes and has no benefits whatsoever. And we are a bit broke. A lot. So if he gets this job, his yearly income will pretty much triple, we will all be covered my medical insurance and when he retires we both will get a monthly check until we die. Too great to turn down for sure. The downside is that we will have to move. To North Dakota. I'm a Montanian through and through. Born here and lived here most of my life. So it will be a drastic change. I've lived in North Dakota for four years back in high school so I know what it's like and am used to it already but leave Montana??? Sadness!! But I know we have to sacrifice to do better and it isn't like I won't ever come back. Oh I'll be back! For sure! Until then....Well I'll just get used to it.
Let's see what else....I got a wonderful surprise the other day in a form of a special package from sweet Tracey! I got to put up my first magnets on my fridge! Tracey was offering these awesome magnets of a vampire and I think it's totally neat looking so I asked if she wouldn't mind passing one my way. She sent along 2 others as well! I was over joyed I put them up right away and stood there staring. My husband is a little creeped out but what does he know? Haha. Until that day, I have been sticky taping everything to my fridge. Awful I know. I don't have a clue why I never pick up magnets but I will be now. And looking for a few neat ones to pass back to Tracey just because I have weird taste and her fridge needs to be weirded out, hehehe. (Check your mail Tracey, I sent your Christmas card out yesterday btw!)
I think that's it for now everyone. I'm starting to get a wee nauseas, which is a great sign. I've never had morning sickness except for when I was pregnant with Hannah. So I've been praying that I get sick with this one. The more symptoms I have and the stronger the sickness, the more hormones are flowing in us and the better the chances of keeping it! Come on vomit! Haha. (My apologies Stephanie!) So I'm going to get back into my Laz-E boy chair that I live in now and eat soem soup. I send out my love to everyone and your families! And thank you again for being so sweet and for the prayers! And I will update you after my doctor's appt. Until then, have a wonderful weekend! And remember: 13 more days until Christmas!! (And me still needing to Christmas shop! Eeek!)


Monday, December 8, 2008


I have to blog it out. I just have to. I am so happy for all the prego mommies out there. My two best friends are pregnant and a few of my blog friends are pregnant out there in blog-land as well.
I've never really had an issue with becoming pregnant. Nor am I known to be fertile myrtle though either. But I have been pregnant 4 times and out of those 4 pregnancies, I have been blessed with Hannah my two year old little girl. Being pregnant with her was awesome but yet so difficult and so emotional for me. I was told 3 different times that I was in the process of losing her. From week 8 or 9 I began to cramp and bleed with her and never stopped. I was placed on bed rest in the beginning of month 2 and never was allowed up. I ended up with a skin/hormone issue called PUPPS which is basically due to my sensitivity to hormones (which is why I can't take birth control, it makes me super sick). It's where I had a head to toe rash that itched every day and night. Nothing could be prescribed. Nothing stopped the itching. I washed my bedding every day. My clothes got changed three or more times a day. It was awful. Oh and although most people would complain, I developed gestational diabetes. I don't complain because I only gained 25 pounds during my pregnancy and I credit it to the wonderful diabetes diet. At the end of the pregnancy, Hannah ran out of amniotic fluid and they had to induce me which was awesome. Because I was in labor for a total of 2 hours and 15 minutes and pushed twice and Hannah was out. I chose not to do pain meds but then again wasn't in labor long enough to really decide if I needed them.
It really was awesome and a blessing to be pregnant with her. Even more so, to have a healthy baby girl with us. My other 3 pregnancies, I hurt to say, didn't turn out to successful. I have lost every baby at week 11. And I have yet to get any answers. I have done the tests and done the research and nothing. Even my doctor's are stumped.
Why am I telling total strangers my story? Because I have found out that I again am pregnant. As joyous as it should be and as excited as I should be, I'm not. I'm terrified and worried that this will only end in another miscarriage. I'm not even telling my friends. Because I don't want to deal with telling them I miscarried again. I hate the tears and the sympathy and the worries that go on forever. I'm a silent griever. I don't stop smiling and I don't cry in front of people. I cry at home under my blankets. That and I've come to trust some of you out there and know that if the worst of the worst happens, you'd say a prayer and be sad but you'd also give me the space. It is after all, the internet, and space is imminent haha.
With that all being said, I get to tell my hubby tonight when he gets home from work. I've notified the doctor who is possibly going to transfer me to a high risk OB in Kalispell. And I will now resort to praying every 5 minutes.
I hope everyone else's day is going great and exciting. I think the toilet is calling me now and I shall talk to everyone later!! Have a great day!


Saturday, December 6, 2008

Still No Snow!?!?

I can't believe this. I just can't. For the first time in my entire life, I have been excited for snow. I have been anticipating it worse than the holiday coming up. Seriously, I really am THAT pumped for snow. Yet is it here? No! Libby must be the only place on Earth with no freaking snow. It's driving me to the point of insanity. Well that and the nasty cold slash flu thing I have gotten thanks to my wonderful, sharing and caring daughter.
It's a mix of a sinus thing, a severe cold, and the flu. It's wonderful! Like morning sickness times 3. LoL. Luckily my husband has taken wonderful care of me, the house was for once beautifully spotless before I came down with this so now it's only kind of dirty, and my daughter chose this time to actually behave. Thank you Jesus. Hannah isn't a bad child by any means. Just the usual two year old, have to get into EVERYTHING kind of kid. Most of the time it isn't bad as I have things hidden away from her. But some days....These past two days though she was perfect which was awesome. I don't get sick days. My husband can't stay home to take care of her while I get sick as he has to work. And to take care of her I don't get time to sleep all day long and lay around. This time, she laid down with me and we watched movies all day long. (Yes Martha Stuart, I am a horrible mother! ) I used the movies to be a babysitter while I slept on and off all day long. I would get up and make her some quick and fast meals so I wouldn't stand and get dizzy for long and she would bring me her cup and the milk or juice when she needed something to drink. Wonderful system we had going on. I got two glorious days of rest thanks to her and now we are officially back on the path of two year old-ness. Ha ha.
I never did let anyone know about how Thanksgiving went for us did I? Wonderfully. My cousin's wife (my best friend too) made amazing dishes, the turkey I made came out moist and wonderfully and we all had lots of fun and stuffed ourselves silly. It was great. Oh and Black Friday was awesome! I didn't run into a single mean person. Everyone was really nice and it was so chaotic and crazy all I did was laugh. I got almost everything I went in for and even got a few extra things. I intended to get nothing but Christmas presents for everyone but missed that one. We ended up getting Hannah's gifts and the things for us. We're doing another trip closer to Christmas to finish up our shopping. We really are that crazy! Ha ha. That and we have to still get Hannah's photo with Santa. We had an opportunity to do it Turkey weekend but the prices were outrageous! No way am I paying $35 for a few small pictures with Santa! What ever happened to the simple one photo for $5!?!? Hello recession and we're overcharging for a few pictures?? Uh-huh...I'm a penny pincher, I can't help it...
Let's see....What else....My husband hates my movie selections. One of my latest movies that I love was on sale the other night for only $5 and he refused to get it for me. He hates the movie he says. I have to stop here and confess something. Those stupid comedies that are out there, like Juno, Napoleon Dynamite...I'm into those. A lot. My latest craze? Lars & The Real Girl. I found it hysterical while others just looked at me strangely and slowly started walking away. I don't know why I'm into the dumbest movies, I have strange tendencies I guess. For instance, ugly shoes. I love ugly shoes. the uglier, the better. I'm not into fashion very much. Which is awful of me claims my best friends. But I just bought a pair of clogs from WalMart (thank you Black Friday) and they are so ugly my husband won't take me out if I wear them, ha ha. But I adore them!
My confessions for the week I suppose. I guess I do have some oddities about me. I took a survey the other day and left the "Is there anything strange about you" question blank because I couldn't think of anything. That'll teach me.
So anyways, I'm going to go make some breakfast for me and Hannah. Then I'm going to get some dishes and laundry started. Thank you to whoever invented the dishwasher. I am spoiled and don't know how I did it before the dishwasher. So I hope everyone has a wonderful day slash week and remember: 19 more days until Christmas!!!!


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

And The Grammy Goes To...

Me!! Haha. Just kidding! Actually, it's better than a grammy in my opinion. A wonderful blogger friend of mine, miss Tracey herself has given your truly an award. Just just ANY award but my first ever award! Ooooh...Okay no wait, does my first grade bowling trophy count in this because then it wouldn't be my first ever award but my first ever blogging award...LoL.
So thank you Tracey you are a doll! And one of the nicest people I've met on here.

So now I get the honor of passing the award on hmm?? Yay! I like giving things more than actually recieving them. Not that I don't like getting things....Never you mind...LoL. So with this all being said here are my list of recipiants in random order of course:

Bryan at Bullet Point Theater-What a way with words! And a very charming person dispite first impressions :)

Justine at Tiney's Froggy Bloggy- She welcomed me when I first came onto here to begin my experiance as a blogger and now I can't stop reading her blogs. Very entertaining and takes me away from the stress of my day. Also reminds me that there are normal peopel in existince :)

Sassy Pants Freckle Face at Sassy Pants Freckle Face - Here is a woman who not only has a wonderful way of blogging and usually gets me giggling just in the way she writes, she always has a way of making you see things from her perspective. I don't know how she does the things she does and how she gets through it but I envy her strength.

Rachel at Diary of a mad, mad housewife - Hilarious blogs! Usually gut achingly so. That and she is a fellow housewife who knits. What isn't there to envy. I adore her blogs and her creativity and the things she does.

So there you have it. Thank you to Tracey again. Thank you to all you bloggers who read my blog and who allow me to read yours as well. And thank you to the badge and award makers for making these to make people like me feel special. At least until I have to do the dishes...Until next time!


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Black Friday

Oh the joy!! I have seen the ads, I have made my list and I am dancing with excitement at all the stuff I will be able to buy for the cheapest amount I've ever seen!! I have never been to this black Friday business. I am, yes, a virgin. And loving it! Haha. I will come home with everyone bought for and then can concentrate on the tree, lights and sending off the rest of my Christmas cards and gifts. I love it!! I'm so excited!
So I should be packing and cleaning my house so I guess I will let this end. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and I will be on another day!!

Friday, November 21, 2008


Okay Miss Stephanie, I have to apologize for I copied your idea. I couldn't figure out a vent that would explain everything that went on today so this is what I came up with and I have to thank you so much! Writing letters to the people that get to me works splendidly! I'm not as pissed off and not wanting to wring everyone's necks, haha. So thank you for being brilliant and I hope you aren't offended that I copied your idea....

Dear Mr. Tailgater-With-A-Horn,
Let me be the first to say thank you for tailgating me two full blocks while running errands today. Not only is that illegal but had I stalled or had to slam on my brakes for any reason, your bumper would have been through my child's body which would have been all over my windshield. Thank you for giving an already nervous mother, a nervous anxiety attack. Never mind the fact that you were towing a large trailer and your truck was exactly 800% bigger than my Honda Civic. Must be my stupidity for driving a gas saving, compact car.
Also, thank you for that obnoxious, very annoying blaring of the horn while I was waiting for traffic before turning left. I apologize for not veering into traffic and again, risking my child's life. Stupid me. I hope you can forgive me for being patient and waiting for clearance from two lanes of on-coming traffic. Excuse me for assuming you had an extra 13 seconds to sit and wait. I was wrong.
Thank you for making me realize that driving in the town of Libby, Montana has now been taken from level Dangerous, to level Suicidal. I will no continue to hermit in my home until I one day leave this town to a place where 3 cars a day on main street is considered rush hour. Thank you and hope your day went swell!
*Heart Attack Victim w/ Nightmares*

Dear Punk-In-A-Fast-Car,
Yes I know that my husband's car is very intimidating. Somewhat. But I alas am not my husband and it is only my right as his wife to be allowed to drive his car, the only running car in our family right now, around town to do my errands. Just because I am married to him and just because I happen to be in an import, doesn't mean I feel it necessary to race you. Because I deny you any racing, do not feel free to flip me the bird. My two old daughter in the backseat (did you NOT notice the car seat and the screaming toddler in the back, while my window was down??) is in that wonderful stage of mimicking everyone she sees so now that she is playing with her middle fingers, I will only continue thinking of you. Thank you for leaving your legacy and next time you want to race, wait for my husband to be driving and I promise you, you will get the beat down you desire. Thank you and have a wonderful day!
*Pissed Off Parent*

Dear Lady-On-The-Celly,
I appreciate you trying to communicate with your people. Communication is the key to every relationship and is a very healthy thing to do. However, I do not appreciate the fact that you choose to have a chat while driving through traffic. It wouldn't have been so bad but you obviously can not multitask and put many cars in a nervous scramble as they tried to get out your way. The turn signals on your vehicle, you know, the stick that makes the click-click-click-click sound when you pull it downward, it is there for a reason. Oh and slamming on your brakes every five seconds is great but I don't care to stall out and panic everytime you do this.
Next time it would be wonderful if you could pay attention and NOT be on your celly while driving. Try calling people while you are at home. I'm sure it can wait that long. Thank you and have a great day!
*Brake Checked Woman Behind You*

Dear Snobby-Teenagers,
When I was your age, I too stared at parents with screaming toddlers and giggled about it with my friends. But my mother also taught me not to stare more than 3 seconds and when I giggled, I did it quietly and far away from the parent. Yes my child screams and throws a fit. All children do and when you get knocked up (probably next year by the way the rate that girls your age are going) you too will enjoy the terrible twos.
Next time, I advise you to smile politely and walk away or turn your head so as to not offend the mother and make her day even worse then it already is. That mother probably won't pray that your children come in threes and are ten times worse than her daughter who mind you can be a handful most days. Karma does exist and I advise you to be careful of what you put out there....
Oh and maybe you will now understand why I didn't buy any of your precious cookies or whatever it was you were selling. Honey attracts flies better than vinegar
Hope your bake sale went well!
*Praying Mother*

Saturday, November 15, 2008


To work music with words is a daunting task. I gaze upon my keyboard wondering when my muse will come. Pushing me forward with her gift of inspiration. Showing me what beauty lies within my soul. To give me the amazement of what can flow with just the touch of my fingers. Everything I've hidden inside is surely to bubble up. Arise oh words, may I bring to life what has been asleep for so long. I wonder at such gifts that others have,will I too be able to possess such a talent? I sit and put down on paper my thoughts but only my eyes are to see what I feel and think. I will put it away so that I may never read it again. For when I read the things I have written, I become scared. Of others thoughts and opinions, yes. But a small part of myself will always have pride of my writings. For I see beauty in everything. From the writings of a small child to the writings of an elderly grandmother writing for the last time. From the small cherry blossom on a simple tree to the greatest mountain in the world.
I have desire and passion inside. And I have beauty despite what you may say or think. Always remember, I may not write like you nor may I write as giftedly as others. My opinions, my views, my thoughts are of mine and unlike yours. I know this. But my gift is only beginning. Great things will come from me. In time they will flow from my soul like the waters of the great Mississippi. trickling like a stream at first and pouring forth like the raging waters that they can be.

*I wrote this back in high school and wanted to share this with you. It was part of a piece I had to write for my speech class. We were required to write about a topic of our teacher's choice and I couldn't write anything decent so I wrote about not being able to write and yet wanting to and desiring to. I scored an A on it although I was told not to do it again, haha.
I'm becoming better about sharing what I write although it takes time because I do worry about what other people may think or say about me. It's a self esteem issue that I need to work on, I know. So be gentle...
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. And see? I'm not just an idiot with a keyboard, haha....Have a good night!*


Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Have you ever tried hiding from a two year old? It is possibly my most favorite game with Hannah. She doesn't get how to play hide and go seek yet so we play hide and peek a boo style. It's great fun! Just to hear her giggle makes my sore, carpet burned knees well worth it.
Out of the possibility of me never having any other children I memorize every little detail about my daughter. Her laugh, her smile, her rare cuddling moments. Everything! A child's giggle is my favorite sound in the entire world. Sure, I love music but to listen to a baby or a small child giggle is so much more beautiful...
I actually am inspired to write today because today, my heart has been over filled with faith, love and hope again. Although I am disappointed in myself for not going to God and filling my heart the right way, but I am joyful nonetheless.
I went in to the hospital today to hand over 8 vials of blood. All in the name of science. And baby making. You see, I have a wonderful two year old beautiful little girl. But I also am the mother of 3 angels up in Heaven. When I become pregnant, my body goes on ninja mode and attacks my fetuses. We (meaning the doctors and I) have no idea why this cruelty happens. But in the 11th week of every pregnancy I have ever had, I miscarry a baby. Hannah was a miracle because I got to see her egg sac ripping away from my placenta. I got to hear so many times about how I was going to have a miscarriage with her due to her sac sac collapsing or because they couldn't stop the cramping and bleeding, or this issue or that issue. I developed high blood pressure in my last trimester and developed diabetes in my second trimester. But she survived. God blessed me with her and I don't take any day for granted.
So now, I get to sit here in my quiet boring home and wait about a week to hear news. News of what is wrong with me and news of how we can or can not fix it. I've been praying that God gives the doctors or lap techs or whoever has a hand in this whole affair, lots of intelligence. I don't care what is wrong with my body, I want to hear how we can fix it or treat it or even cure it so that the next time I get pregnant (oh yes folks, there WILL be a next time) I can take some sort of medication and be able to meet my child 9 months later.
So now that I know we may put a name to what is going on and that we can fix it, I have so much happiness and hope in my heart today. I'm this much closer to having another child.
So I hope everyone is having a glorious day as well. And I will blog another day!
Much love,

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

My Stupidity

I like to think of my friends as family. I have made many, many myspace friends and some new friends on here even. (Faster than I thought). So when I hear of or read of my friends being verbally abused or harassed, there's this caring and protective part in me that tends to not think and react at the attackers. So this is to apologize for ever doing so since I was used as a source of mockery and humiliation for standing up for someone. So I will never do so again since me acting as a friend would was only a stupid act on my part. I apologize. If you have an issue or have someone attacking you or someone, I'll just read everything, have a pity party in your honor and let you handle your own. From now on it won't be any of my business. And I'm fine with that. I guess if that is how people like their friendships to be like, ce la vie!
Anyways that's pretty much it. Totally excited for it snowed for the first time today. Now I will put my new seat on my snowmobile and start taking Hannah and the nieces and nephews for rides! Yay winter! have a good day!


Wednesday, October 8, 2008


So I love my parents dearly. My father is an amazing man. It unfortunately took me until I was an adult to realize this and for us to get along well but I'm grateful we are at this point. I love him and am so thankful for him. He continues to help us out when needed and he is constantly spoiling my daughter which is great.
My mother on the other hand. It's like this. If a day goes by and she hasn't caused some sort of drama in my life or angered me in some way, she has failed. And yet I'm the eager puppy. Eager to please her and eager to not anger her and just eager to be the one always sorry for whatever happens. I hate myself some days.....
I can be honest when saying she has never helped me out. I have never in my lifetime received a dime from her but yet have loaned her money many times. The only time she has met her two year old grand daughter is when I had to fly us down there (there being California) to see her when Hannah was 5 months old. She refuses to come up here (Montana) to see us. And now that my daughter's second birthday has come by, it just marks another birthday she has yet to give something to her for. Yay for grandma!!
My being a Christian is super important to me. I have no guts so don't expect me to preach at you or share the word unless you bring it up first. I just am gutless, what can I say? But she can not handle the fact that I believe in God and live my life by the Bible. She insists on e-mailing me these...forwards of hers that have someone else's words on them that point out the mistakes of the Bible and why the Bible is wrong and why God isn't real and blah blah blah.
She tells me to never talk about my faith with her and to never post "trash" on my myspace or send her "trash" as she calls it. But yet she posts these blogs and e-mails that make me cringe and tear up because I am so angry I could shake an ostrich!
My number one life goal: Never, ever, be ANYTHING like my mother. Ever. I pray that while my daughter grows up, I will be her best friend. I will be the one she runs to for help and support because she knows she can. I pray that we will always have a loving bond. And that she will always want me in her life. And that I don't turn out to be a huge disappointment, regret or mistake in her life. I pray that she will one day, pray to be just like me. Which will show me I am nothing like my own mother....Is that terribly awful of me?

E-mail example:::::

"Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread. (cotton/polyester blend) He also tends to curse and blaspheme alot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan..."

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My First Blurb!

I'm just jotting down a quick note to say hello to anyone out there. And to let you know that if I blog inhere, I'll mainly just re-post what I post in my actual blog on myspace. I'm lazy like that....
I'm 23 years old. I've been married for three and a half years to my wonderful husband Abel. Together we've produced a beautiful little girl (Hannah) who will be turning 2 on the first of October. Bitter sweet if you ask me...I also have 3 babies in Heaven as well since I'm prone to miscarriages....Not so sweet...
I'm just a simple, down to earth kind of girl. And as I go on blogging, you'll find out more about me. Oh and I tend to blog almost daily too...I get bored like that.....
So I hope this is fine for now. I'm off to bed! It's late and such. And I have the munchies. Funny how I ate a full dinner just a few hours ago and yet I'm hungry enough for a second dinner...Pizza anyone? Haha! Good night to all!