Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Have you ever tried hiding from a two year old? It is possibly my most favorite game with Hannah. She doesn't get how to play hide and go seek yet so we play hide and peek a boo style. It's great fun! Just to hear her giggle makes my sore, carpet burned knees well worth it.
Out of the possibility of me never having any other children I memorize every little detail about my daughter. Her laugh, her smile, her rare cuddling moments. Everything! A child's giggle is my favorite sound in the entire world. Sure, I love music but to listen to a baby or a small child giggle is so much more beautiful...
I actually am inspired to write today because today, my heart has been over filled with faith, love and hope again. Although I am disappointed in myself for not going to God and filling my heart the right way, but I am joyful nonetheless.
I went in to the hospital today to hand over 8 vials of blood. All in the name of science. And baby making. You see, I have a wonderful two year old beautiful little girl. But I also am the mother of 3 angels up in Heaven. When I become pregnant, my body goes on ninja mode and attacks my fetuses. We (meaning the doctors and I) have no idea why this cruelty happens. But in the 11th week of every pregnancy I have ever had, I miscarry a baby. Hannah was a miracle because I got to see her egg sac ripping away from my placenta. I got to hear so many times about how I was going to have a miscarriage with her due to her sac sac collapsing or because they couldn't stop the cramping and bleeding, or this issue or that issue. I developed high blood pressure in my last trimester and developed diabetes in my second trimester. But she survived. God blessed me with her and I don't take any day for granted.
So now, I get to sit here in my quiet boring home and wait about a week to hear news. News of what is wrong with me and news of how we can or can not fix it. I've been praying that God gives the doctors or lap techs or whoever has a hand in this whole affair, lots of intelligence. I don't care what is wrong with my body, I want to hear how we can fix it or treat it or even cure it so that the next time I get pregnant (oh yes folks, there WILL be a next time) I can take some sort of medication and be able to meet my child 9 months later.
So now that I know we may put a name to what is going on and that we can fix it, I have so much happiness and hope in my heart today. I'm this much closer to having another child.
So I hope everyone is having a glorious day as well. And I will blog another day!
Much love,


Traceytreasure said...

I agree with you about a child's giggle. It's better than music! Precious and priceless.

Your post almost made me cry but I'm overly emotional today. You seem so strong, where I am weak. Wishing you the best of luck, always.

Big hugs, Beckie!
Word Verification is wings.

Tracey said...

Best luck, hon. I hope there is something they find that they understand. When they understand WHAT the issue is, there is a greater chance of knowing how to work with it.

Crossing my fingers for you.

Jill said...

Hello! I found your blog through another friend and I am so happy I read your post. I will say a prayer for you that you find some answers. Hannah is your miracle child and I am glad she has brought such joy to your life! I have a miracle child too but in a different way. You can read my story on one of my first posts on my blog! I hope to see you again!

Jill said...

just came by to say hello! Thanks for coming by my blog!!

Jill said...

One more thing.. You should add a guestbook to your blog! You have a certain way with words! :)