Monday, May 11, 2009

It Could Have Been Worse...

Well ladies, I thought my day was going great as it was when I ended that post yesterday. Turns out it only got better! LoL. At least I have my sense of humor.
So yesterday shortly after that post I felt like things were only getting worse and as I'd been dealing with contractions for 24 hours, I probably should call it quits with my stubborn pride and hit the ER. It's a good thing I did as my Dr was disappointed that I didn't go in sooner. Yes it was pre-term labor and yes they were admitting me and yes I bawled like a baby. Abel got to stay with me for 2 hours until he absolutely had to take off for work out of town. He was freaked out as it was so I'm glad he didn't call in or something. We had an ultrasound done and Nacio is fine. Very fine thank God. And I got lucky to have the start of a UTI which was just an added bonus. Yay me...So I got admitted and began freaking out because not only was I stabbed 8 time in order to get an IV but I was in the beginning of an anxiety attack. I asked for a few minutes alone and went to the bathroom and sobbed and began repeating the only thought I could think of at that moment: God only gives you what you can handle...That was my mantra all night and surprisingly helped me out a lot. Hannah stayed with my dad which worried me as I know Hannah can be a lot to handle and dad has COPD and can't do much, hence why we live with him. I didn't need him to over exert himself and join me in the hospital too you know? And the fact that last night was only the 3rd time in Hannah's life that I wasn't with her overnight. I missed her so much and when dad called to let her tell me night-night, I lost it. I tear up now thinking about it.
I'm so thankful that this pregnancy is going as well as it is and pray that this was the last time I deal with this. Last night made me realize for the first time that yes, I really can't do this again. This must be my last bout with pregnancy. Miscarriages suck and take so much from you. I've had 3 and healed so I thought I was pretty tough by now. I'm not.
Last night I thought of Stephanie. Miss Gucci Mama. What she went through with Ella her miracle baby born super early. It made me sad because it's one thing to sit on my end of the computer, read what she was going through and pray for her. I didn't have a clue what she was going through and I didn't fully understand. Last night, sitting in that hospital room made me feel like I was slacking. I chose between my children and felt so broken hearted and it is probably just the hormones because Hannah was fine, it was only one night and I'm home now, but I just hurt a little still you know? I have a whole new found respect and a little bit of understanding for her now though. She was in for a few weeks and went through certainly more than I did but I got to walk half an inch in her shoes and didn't like it one bit. Now I just an truly amazed at the strength of people that I thought I was amazed with before. And I realize that maybe one day, slowly as it's taking me, I'm going to be stronger as a person. Maybe...
Now I'm praying and hoping that we can make it 10 more weeks. I gotta get to 35 weeks Dr says. 25 weeks is too soon to be having these issues. So begins the new countdown :) 9 1/2 more weeks if we wanna get technical about it. A gallon of water a day and lots of antibiotics and probably bi-weekly appointments again.
I lost my train of thought now...And Hannah is waking up from her nap and as I haven't seen her since I got home I think this is where I'll end it. I'm done with the contractions thanks to the lovely meds and fluids and all. I'm doing much better now that I'm home and I'm hoping God doesn't test me much more during this time. I broke down rather easily last night, I don't think I could do it again.
Stephanie has a March of Dimes donation going on on her page, please go check out her latest blog and read it and donate! It's super important!! If you don't know who Stephanie is (Gucci Mama) She's on my blogs that I read and my followers. I'm not good with links btw...Oh and let her know what a dynamite person she is! God couldn't have made a stronger and more amazing person. And a late Happy Mothers Day to everyone if I forgot to mention that yesterday!! Lots of love to you all!!!

4 comments:

Sassy Pants Freckle Face said...

wowza! You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Traceytreasure said...

Beckie, I'm so sorry you had to go through that last night! I have my fingers crossed for you!!

Big, not-too-tight hugs!!

Justine/Justiney/Tiney said...

Aw, you poor thing! I'm sure it was so much worse because Abel had to leave :o ( But, at least they got the contractions to stop. I'm assuming you have to take it super easy now? Do NOT overdo. Just relax and let you body do what it needs to do to keep 'Nacio in where he belongs! You have all of our thoughts and prayers helping you along the way too.
And you're very right. Steph is an amazing woman. But then again, so are you.

Justine :o )

Stephanie said...

Wow. What an ordeal! I'm really glad you were able to be released from the hospital!

I know EXACTLY how you feel about the choosing between your children thing. But you really aren't. I came to realize that in doing the best thing for myself and for Ella (you know, those endless weeks incarcerated in L&D Room 5250) I was also doing the best thing for Josh. Hannah needs you to be healthy and well, and you need your precious boy to be healthy and well also. So, like every other mom in the history of time, we do what we have to do, we make sacrifices for our children, and then we rejoice when the difficulty ends.

You are strong enough to get through this; this is a season in your life and it too shall pass. It's hard to keep that in mind when you're in the midst of it, I know, but once it's over you will marvel at how quickly the time passed and you will be impressed with your own strength and fortitude.

I pray you will be able to make it to 35 weeks - that does seem to be the magic number. Hang in there. It will all be worth it in the end, but you already know that;)

Oh, and plus? We have some serious shopping to do at the Mall of America once our lives calm down and our children are all here and safe and sound. So you take it easy and get that baby to 35 weeks. Because I don't like it when things impede my shopping plans. ;)