Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Yup, I'ma Bad American!

So my dad, the ever so wonderful addict of forwarding e-mails even though we live in the same house, has once again sent an interesting e-mail to me. Not only did I find it humorous in some areas, but I also found some of it true. Most of all I thought that instead of forwarding it and adding to the tearing down of virtual trees, I'd just post it and let the world (or rather my small community of followers) check it out. What can I say? Not enough to occupy my day...LoL. You'll see that I added in notes. This is how I think when I read stuff. I always add in notes in my head or narrate in some odd way. I'm odd. I hope you love me still after you find out just how odd I really am...
Oh and by the way, a HUGE Happy Birthday goes out to miss Tiney! I can't figure out how to comment on your blog, hence me being absent with my comments for awhile so hopefully this will be just as good!
And please remember when reading this, I don't ride nor own nor care for Harley Davidson motorcycles, LoL. This was obviously written by a man but with notes thrown in by me.

I Am the Liberal-Progressives Worst Nightmare.
(Can't even begin to tell you what this means so now you all know how politically ignorant I am)

I am an American.
(Pretty much, yep)

I am a Master Mason and believe in God.
(I don't think I am and yes)

I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles and believe in American products.
(No I don't. I don't even sit on those 2-wheeled nightmares!)

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some Liberal governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!
(Yeah so someone tell that damn FICA guy to keep his grubby hands off my money!)

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!
(And yet people say I'm bitchy or emotional because of this...)

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
(Unless you have pretty daughters, then you could easily turn into a killer)

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything. Get over it!
(Yeah I can say that if you feel "owed" anything, you pretty much suck. Unless you're talking about those tax returns in which NO ONE ever gets back what they are owed)

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.
(Please don't limit this to just hamburgers. Grocery stores. Gas stations. Video rental stores. Applebees. Thanks)

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.
(For sure)

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and Willie G. Davidson that makes the Awesome Harley Davidson Motorcycles.
(Can't do without that famous swagger, a baseball, the drink or a two-wheeled nightmare can we?)

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
(I do. And I don't. Unless you were a victim of the layoffs and then treated worse than the druggies and lazies who've lived off welfare all their lives just because they are lazy. I don't pity them but rather growl and slash out at them. Hence why I'm housebound. Sometimes I'm not allowed outside...)

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.
(It's just as bad as soap operas...)

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.
(Yes please. Oh and don't mind the midget Ethiopians in my basement. They err, enjoy making those sweaters and never sleeping or eating...)

I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country!
(I would but I don't know where I come from. Is Montana it's own country yet?)

This is AMERICA! We like it the way it is!
(Some days...)

If you were born here and don't like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.
(Fine then! Wait, socialist whatta?)

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.
(Yeaaah...How DOES he do that?!?)

I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
(I just wish they would quit targeting me. Dirty goyim...)

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.

And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.
(Yes actually I am)

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
(Hah! I'm the moron who voted for the other guy and then did eeny meeny miney moe for the rest of the subjects. I had no clue who everyone was. Like I said before, I'm politically ignorant. And really, does my ONE vote matter THAT much?)

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. Get a job and do your part!
(They don't sell stuff in my street. They e-mail me or call me...)

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
(Thank goodness for that, some parents terrify me and if my kid is going to get messed up, I'd like all the blame to go to me)

I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.
(Unless you claim to be insane and can talk to yourself cleverly then they let you go)

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA!
(Oops! Better take down my communist pride flag....)

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
(I'm a horrid American with no intellect)


Sassy Pants Freckle Face said...

I am still digesting this,...I will be back

Jill said...

Okay.. I had to read this twice............. big gulp......

Beckie said...

Am I scaring my readers?? LoL. Don't look too deep into it ladies, honest, I was attempting to be oddly humorous. I don't think it worked...

Justine said...

Aw, thanks for the birthday wishes! But why can't you comment on my blog? Tami has the same problem and has to reload it a couple times. Weird.

Justine :o )

Dani said...

Love your blog... hated this post. Wish I would have skipped it in my google reader. I will continue on and pretend like I did not see it... I guess....