But as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end and so as of yesterday, they had. Every wonderful feeling has left me. I'm back to missing my father more than ever and now holding onto bitter evil feelings of questioning God as to why he took my father, my best friend when I'm left with evil which calls itself my mother. The woman drives me INSANE! And while I am not one to wish death upon anyone, today I have caught myself wondering why the better parent was taken instead of the other....I used to think I had come to grips with the fact that my mother is pretty much useless. The woman is as self centered as they come. Don't believe me?? Two days after my father passed away, she calls me up.
HER: How are you?
Me:I'm fine I guess. You?
HER: Oh my gosh this drama with .... is unbearable I just don't know what I'm going to do I am so stressed out and ......
For real?? YOU'RE stressed out!?!? That's all that ran through my brain. One week after my father passed away I get another phone call.
Her: Have you gotten the life insurance check for your dad yet? I hate to do this but I'm hiring a lawyer to deal with this court stuff for me and I need to borrow some money, but I don't want to ask anyone else for it, can I count on you??
I have this insane flaw that doesn't let me tell anyone no, but at the same time I knew if I had given her money I'd kiss it goodbye forever and I had plans with that so I lied and told her I wasn't going to have it for a month or so. That cut those questions short.
Then I receive a phone call on my anniversary which got no recognition from her (big surprise there!) asking for money. She was moving out of the state and needed as much money as possible and could I buy the savings bonds she bought for my daughter so that she wouldn't have to pay me back. Then I told her maybe but as I was in Montana I would have to wait until I got home to ask Abel about it. I received a phone call and/or text everyday after that asking me if I was going to send the money and telling me how badly she needed it. Mind you, she was CHOOSING to move. It wasn't like she was being forced out. She had a fabulous job making good money so it wasn't like she got fired or needed a change of jobs or anything. This move has been a spontaneous choice.
So then yesterday I called her three times asking her if she still needed the money and where to send it as Abel and I were talking about if I could send her some. I got a text message telling me she was no longer talking to me because I wouldn't send her any money and she was tired of waiting for me so she was going to get money a different way. I literally got blackmailed from my mother! Fan-freaking-tastic. That's how she has been all my life. Over everything. She has never once helped me in life so why should I feel guilty about not helping her? I have gone to her for help or to borrow some money and would instead get a "Go ask your dad he has more money than I do" speech. Awesome right?? When my dad would send me birthday money or Christmas money or just cash for a random thing, she'd open up the letter first, take out the money and then hand me the card. When my dad found this out he would be furious! That's how she is. I would love to dish out everything she has and hasn't done for me. But that would take up the entire site and I can't do that. I just get so angry thinking about all the games she plays on me so that I bow down to her and do everything I can to please her and keep her nice and yet when I have ever needed or wanted soem sort of help or even advice, she's too good for that.
My dad was my best friend. He hated my mother and tried to warn me and tried to warn me about her and her games. I didn't want to see it. I still don't. I tried to be blind as long as possible because I'm the one who has to make everything happy even if I'm the only one hurting. I get so tired of people pleasing but yet can't stop. Why on Earth do I have to suffer without my dad and now have to suffer with my mom? The hard part? My dad isn't here to listen to me bitch and whine about her anymore. I can't talk to Abel about it because he hates her with every beat of his heart. This would egg him on even more. *sigh* So blogger friends, I have run to my blog to whine about it and hope that by jotting it down, I can get it off my chest. I hope it works...
Want to hear how else I am going crazy? I think my house is haunted. And it is scaring me so badly that I want to move. My daughter has a puzzle with like six animals on it. They are the wooden animals with the red stick coming out of each piece? You know what I mean? Well when you stick the cow in the cow slot, you hear a moo come from it. Same thing with the sheep and the dog and so on and so forth. Well the crazy part is, this puzzle is brand new and lately when we talk about my dad which isn't often, that sucker moos. With the puzzle piece still in it. It freaks me out. Last night, all night long we hear something pounding on our downstairs walls. Nothing down here. No wind. Nothing. Then my son, he has this inflatable penguin. It's like that giant clown where no matter how hard you punch it, you can't keep it down. It keeps bouncing back up. Well this thing is maybe a foot tall and has a few jingling balls in it and it plays noises and a song too I think. Well anyways, so we were talking about a week ago about selling my dad's RV and the sucker bounced over like someone had punched it. Only, no one was there! Abel, I and a friend of ours was standing four feet away. And I don't do well with ghost stories or even the thought of ghosts. I get freaked easily. So I honestly don't know if I want to knwo if something is here or not. I'm freaked either way though. But I do know one thing, I'm not crazy, because Abel has witnessed all this too. So booyha crazy people, I'm not one of you!! I DON'T see dead people....Yet...
Ugh, you know, I actually feel a pinch better. Abel says to just say screw you to my mother. Tell her that if all she wants to do is game play and have everything be all about her all of the time, then I don't have the time nor energy to deal with her. And it isn't like my kids will miss her, she has never sent even a birthday card. She has seen Hannah twice in the almost four years that she has been on this Earth and only talked to her on the phone like twice as well. But yet she gets angry when I am late sending my niece a birthday card then gets angry because I didn't put enough money in the card or send a big enough present. "Cards aren't gifts, the kids can't even read for crying out loud!" And God forbid if I buy my kids clothes and not my nieces, "They need clothes too Beckie!" Okay, wait, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to rant so I'm stopping. I'm just so...angry...pissed off...hurt too. UGH!!! Why couldn't I have had a normal mother!?!?
Alright, alright. I'm ending it here. I need to watch a good movie, drink some yummy tea and settle down. God has a plan with all this, I just need to leave Him in control and hang on for the ride...I hope you all are having a much better weekend than I. Fourth of July is coming up, any big plans??
I shall be back! Once I'm in a better mood. Not so ranty and all :) Much love to you all!! Goodnight!
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