Thursday, February 4, 2010

I'm Not Your Mother!

Appreciation. It's not that hard of a thing. When I was younger, I forgot to say thank you to one of my mother's girl-friends after she took me to the movies and she got angry. So angry that she shook the piss out of me and yelled in my face about what an ungrateful little brat I was. I've always been a shy, well behaved person. That incident turned me partly into who I am today. Why? I hate to make people angry. I don't say anything to anyone about how I feel or if they upset me, because I don't want to anger them or upset them. And yes, I hate receiving gifts from people because of this. I feel guilty when people give me things. All my life I have viewed myself as not good enough. As ungrateful. It's ridiculous how one little event can create such a mess of a person.

Why this little glimpse into myself today? Because today I have realized that I am under appreciated and deserve a little bit more.

Abel loves lasagna. Could eat it every meal, every day, all year long, kind of love. Abel wishes I would make it more often. I hate lasagna. Used to like it before I met him. Hate it now. I hate making it and yes, I have even grown to hate it's taste. Why? Because my lasagna is not as good as his mother's. So childish I know. But it upsets me. And today I let him have it.

Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I don't know why but I felt like crying at the drop of a hat. I snapped at everyone and even snuggling Ignacio and watching him smile couldn't get me to even a grin. That. Never. Happens. So at 9, I put both kids to bed and crawled into my fluffy pj's, denied my husband and went to sleep as fast as possible. Abel got yelled at yesterday morning because Ignacio had woken up fussing, I was still sleeping and he was laying in bed watching TV and not getting up to do anything for Ignacio. I snapped and it went from there. Well, this morning I woke up at 9 am realizing how late it was, went to check on my son and he was gone! Turns out my husband had gotten up an hour beforehand and taken my son down with him. Something must have been eating at his conscience...

He asked me why I didn't make lasagna often. That he was glad I had made it yesterday. So, Beckie, for the first time ever, let someone have it without any tears of frustration or hiding behind anything. I hate making it and hate that I hate making it. I used to enjoy making it for him but every single time I make it, the first words out of his mouth are "It's not as good as my mom's but it's okay." I'm tired of having my stuff compared to his mother and if he wants food like his mother's then he needs to go back with his mom. I feel better now and was really glad that it didn't start a fight and that he apologized and it was over with just like that. I feel so much better about it and that's what counts. And I'm learning that I no longer need to hurt myself by sheltering others, if I am upset well then dang it, I'm letting you know. LoL.


On a much brighter note. I received my awesome Valentine's box from Amity. Tell me how awesome it is to sign up for a Valentine's Day exchange and end up with your best friend as your partner?? LoL. I definitely got very lucky and blessed! So our box came:( address has been blurred to protect my identity)

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And inside were these:

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Which were these:

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As we opened them we got to find a awesome cheerful new apron which will save my shirts lives from now on :)

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And a hilarious new book which I will DEFINITELY be reading

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And some yummy homemade goodies which I would love to know how to make myself

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And some pretties

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for my pretty

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And a handsome new hoodie for the boy as well.

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Amity also sent some new clothes for my pretty and I would love to take a few photos like this one

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But sadly she stole them all and is playing dress up because she can't decide what to wear today, LoL. So that was my wonderful Valentine's surprise :) So come tomorrow (pay check day!!) I get to send off a box for her and her pretties (and handsome man too) and wait to see how she enjoyed them too :) I love exchanges :)

So with all this said pardon the picture quality, I sacrificed my digital camera batteries for my pretty's leapfrog computer thingy and need more, so you'll have to settle for my Blackberry camera quality :) I'm off to fix some dinner and change little man now. I hope everyone had a fabulous day and I will venture on here again. Another day! Ciao bellas!

21 comments:

Sassy Pants Freckle Face said...

So glad your Box rox :) So do you! Miss Hannah Is SOOOOOOO fricken cute!
Look sexy in your apron reading your new book with a sucker in your mouth!!

Gucci Mama said...

Amity rocks, hmm? Love her.

Good for you for standing up for yourself. When I read this I found myself kind of wanting to do a fist pump and perhaps a "You go guurl" but I don't think I could really pull that off.

K8E said...

I'm like you. I hate upsetting people or making them angry. I would rather fume or hurt silently than let someone know they've upset me and risk hurting them. But we both know that's not really healthy. Yay for finally being so frustrated you just have to let it out!

Hattie said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Yay for Valentines!!!! Love that apron, so cute!

Crystal said...

Lol...she is too cute! I'm following from Friday Follow
http://www.thriftyandfrugalliving.com

Mass Hole Mommy said...

Awwww, how nice! I'm your newest follower!!

Tia said...

New follower from Friday Follow!

http://stoictia.blogspot.com

Petite Little Bee said...

Great article. Thanks for sharing. Lia

Sally said...

A great post, and I hope you actually do feel better. It's very frustrating to be compared to others especially the "mom". Good for you!!

Here from SITS.

Have a GREAT weekend. God bless.

Simply Stacie said...

Following you from the Friday Follow!

http://stacievaughansblog.blogspot.com

Jessica said...

Hey Beckie, new follower from Friday Follow.

I can relate to the whole lasagna thing -lol.
Sometimes you just have to let it out. Mine involved cheesey crust pizza, but it ended up all over the wall.

Sprinces Dreamweaver Sculpts said...

Enjoyed reading your article. It really does feel great when you finally blow off steam. You rock!

Following you from Friday Follow. Have a great day!

http://dreamweaversculpts.blogspot.com/
http://sonyasgrooming.blogspot.com/

~Shelley~ said...

Visiting from "Friday Follow"! I'm your newest follower! Love for you to stop by and visit me!

Have a great weekend!
~Shelley

Annie said...

Following you from Friday Follow.

Have a nice weekend.

Justine said...

Beckie, you poor thing! You should NEVER hold emotions like that inside just to spare another's feelings. What about YOUR feelings? First, I think it's TERRIBLE that every time you make his favorite dish he tells you it's not as good as his mother's. I think after the second time I would have stopped making it and told him to make it himself if he thought he could get it closer to hers. Geez. So yeah, I'm REALLY glad you spoke up, but I hope it won't end there. Yeah, sometimes it will lead to a fight or argument, but that's okay... you need to be heard, not internalize all your feelings.

And Amity? She rocked your face off, didn't she? Great stuff!!!!

Justine :o )

Dimes2Vines said...

Stopping by from Fri Follows - I'm a new follower. Love to have you stop by:
http://dimes2vines.com

Mom et al said...

Hi, slightly belated Friday follow.

Come visit me at Mom-et-al.com

-Maria

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Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Good for you! I think you are so right to step up sometimes and assert yourself. I think as we grow older and more mature, we do that more and more.
Oh, and the box of stuff was amazing!

Holly @ Domestic Dork said...

Thanks for participating in the exchange! Looks like you got a lot of fun stuff! Those heart pops look yummy. I'm drooling over here.

Unknown Mami said...

I'm proud of you for speaking your mind.

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

So glad you stood up for yourself. I was on strike a week ago.

Welcome to the Friday Follow. I'm your newest follower. So glad to have you with us. I'm way behind but here I am.

Tami
www.heartsmakefamilies.com